It is not often we allow our sponsors to be heard from behind the galactic curtain, but in times such as these they often beg.
Our sponsor, BrineX Technologies who you may know as the leader behind such products as: ScrubX Pads, the choice applicator for Telephone Sanitizers, and EffeX, the premiere chewing gum for those afflicted by the swear word syndrome of the *&$% system.
Now to our statement from Vice President of BrineX, Hig Bazinga:
“Here at BrineX Technologies we are dedicated to the latest in Towel cleaning technology. Today we are happy to announce for you hoopy hitchhikers busy slouching, slumming or reclining that our most advanced laundry service product has been released: Squornshellus Pods. Unlike Tide-pods, our latest product has anti-oral technology.
The research from our top scientists, who are not gagged in a closet unlike our competitors, shows that the seeds of a mattress from Squornshellous Zeta excrete a potent venom that activates upon ingestion, which means Do Not Stick Them In Your Mouth. The venom from the mattress pod radically changes the DNA of any animal, or humanoid, that activates it via saliva from their facehole. Upon activation the mattress seedling will change your DNA to that of the Wigwiggins shrub (so named after the botanist who discovered it) which is the primary nutrient source for all mattresses on Squornshellous Zeta.
Once you transform into this nutritious shrub a mattress will consume and excrete you allowing for proper fertilization of their nests. Thus you will be an active participant in the Squornshellous Zeta circle of life.
We understand the need to experiment with mind-altering substances, or simply to follow the latest trends, and not think of the simplest of thoughts, such as: What exactly am I sticking in my mouth? Who told me to do this and why?
We simply ask for you to think it through and not be these two”
The staff at Galactic Hitchhhikers would like to thank the fine folks at One to Grow On Educators for their support of this message: