A Happy Independence Day to all our American froods!
On 4th of July we celebrate/inebriate that one time when we kicked the King of England’s arse. As we can clearly see, no longer are hard working Americans subject to taxation without representation, and religious freedom for all is abound from sea to shining sea. Each year Colonial patriots wear sleeveless shits in an apparent display of their right to bare arms, and light fireworks to scare the King of England from coming back. (It is well known that all British monarchs are easily frightened by loud noises)
If you should see the King of England:
- State in a firm voice “We have no tea for you,” and point away.
- Have a friend light a bottle rocket or roman candle, DO NOT lose eye contact with George III
- If the King still has not slithered back to the tree line, grab a flag, wave it, and sing the Star Spangled Banner. This display should trick George III into thinking the American is going to mate, and he will flee for fear of an awkward situation like any good Englishmen would.
- Send a signal to your fellow ‘Mericans by sending up rockets red glare if you see the King, one if by land, two if by sea, F-18 if we need Will Smith to take down George III’s mothership.
- Remember, the louder the explosion the more effective it will be as a deterrent to protect your BBQ or holiday get-together from taxation by the Crown; but in a pinch even a snap, or snake can get the job done.
Have a fun and safe 4th all, but not too safe….what’s the fun in that?