There are literally dozens of recipes for the most revered drink in existence, the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.  In my alcoholism, which I have lovingly re-imagined as research, I set out to try them all.

After a few versions I decided that the whole lot was bloody off, and set out on a new mission to create the ultimate version. I spent a couple years bar-tending in the Bighorn Mountains of Wyoming, where indeed alcoholism is not only accepted as a way of life, it is in fact the sport of choice. With plenty of test subjects, aka victims, and all the booze of a fully stocked bar I began tinkering.

The recipe I favor the most of the many myriad available online is the one they serve at Zaphod’s in Ottawa Canada. It is fairly simple and straightforward, and much favored because of cost and availability. Typically around four to five bucks USD, the Zaphod’s version has a lot to say for itself.

Zaphod’s Recipe-

In a cocktail glass with ice combine:

1 ½ oz. Jack Daniels

¾ oz. Peach Tree/Peach Schnapps

¾ oz. Blue Curacao

Fill remaining space with orange juice

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This version was very popular at the bar I tended, and to my knowledge is still being served there under the misnomer “Pau-Galactic Gargleblaster,” My lower case “n’s” tend to look like “u’s” when I scribble quickly, and this mistake was put into print after I left the mountain. A rose by any other name, right? This recipe became the base for my further experiments. It has the right essence, but not the oomph if you savvy. Where was the large gold brick with the lemon wrapped around it? At the cost of countless thousands of both my own, and my test subject’s brain cells, experimentation led to the following wallop to the head and wallet.

The Galactic Hitchhikers/Zaxley Nash Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster- 

Prepare a pint glass full of ice. In a shaker half filled with ice, combine:

¾ oz. Jack Daniels

¾ oz. Vodka

¾ oz. Tequila (Patron preferred)

¾ oz. Malibu Rum

¾ oz. Gin

¾ oz. Triple Sec

¾ oz. Hpnotiq

¾ oz. Peach Tree/Peach Schnapps

¾ oz. Amaretto

¾ oz. Blue Curacao

Approximately ½ oz. (one “bloop”) Orange Juice (Or better yet Mango juice)

Shake well and pour into pint glass. Garnish with as much fruit as possible, preferably to an extreme. Little umbrellas are a strong plus if not a must. As a rule the bartender may drink any remaining beverage in the shaker. Alternately this recipe can be made into shots. How many shots? Do the math.  I was never that kind of bartender.

• It is expensive. Typically around 15 to 20 dollars each, this is where the large gold brick comes into play, you’ll need one to pay the bar tab.
• This is a great choice when someone says they want to buy a round.
• Never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters unless you are a thirty ton mega elephant with bronchial pneumonia
• In my time as a bartender this drink was directly responsible for a great deal of chaos and silliness, including but not limited to: One bruised elbow. Harassment of cattle. Single car non-moving traffic accidents; fourteen stitches, gallons of vomit on the bar, and a burning sofa chair. The management of the establishment asked after a time that I no longer serve them to the “general public”
• This drink can be a great and terrible way to play catch up when friends have a head start
• It is best to have this recipe written on a card or piece of paper for the barkeep, easier for you and them.

Share and enjoy my friends, and if you ever find your way to a bar way up in the Bighorns don’t tell them Zaxley sent you….they are most likely mad about exactly how deeply I carved my name into the wood of the bathroom wall.