June 4th, 2018

The Wizzeggerian Ultraquat

The Wizzeggerian Ultraquat is the single deadliest fruit in the known universe. Its hard, spiked exterior is covered in a poisonous, gelatinous slime that can render any being, regardless of species, planet of origin, or political leanings, completely and utterly paralysed for several hours.

When inhaled the fumes of the pungent, spongy interior have been known to cause blindness at several levels of the infer/infra-red spectrums and, for reasons scientists have yet to find a reason to look into, extreme fertility in Gastorian frogs.

The flavor of the fruit can only be described as vindictive. The Culinary Consortium of Skilled Cookers has identified the Wizzeggerian Ultraquat as number 2 on its list of Worst Dishes to Serve to People You Wish to See Again. The first item on the list being the Vogon Painpuff which is a light, fluffy pastry filled with a rich, creamy chocolate mousse placed in the bladder of an ox that has been hit by a truck and left in the afternoon sun.

If you are offered a Wizzeggerian Ultraquat at a social gathering it is best to leave immediately as it can be safely assumed that you were invited not because they wanted you there so much as they wanted you know how badly they did not want you there.

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