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June 1st, 2018

Towel Insurance

The Galactic Counsel for Sentient Safety once conducted a study on the psychological benefits of holding a towel. It’s findings showed that an individual is more likely to embrace uncertainty and take risks if they know a towel is close at, or preferably in, hand. The counsel also discovered that the nature of the risks taken correlated directly with the size of the towel they possessed. For example, an individual with a hand towel might be inclined to attempt to pick up something hot, while someone with something larger, let’s say a nice roomy beach towel, was more inclined to jump out of a plane, using said towel as a parachute.

Another interesting correlation was that the life expectancy of a towel holder is inversely proportional to the square inch of the towel they possess. It is for this reason that insurance rates for individuals with anything larger than a dish rag is prohibitively expensive.

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